


It's a Wonderful Luthor

by ThornedRose44



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Christmas fic, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, It's A Wonderful Life AU, Kara is amazing as always, Lena sees the world without her, canon AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21926074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornedRose44/pseuds/ThornedRose44
Summary: ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ hesitated before stating bluntly, “You’re dead... nearly.”“I’m dead?!”“Nearly.” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’, repeated adding extra emphasis to the word. “You could go either way.”“Either way?” Lena muttered in disbelief.“Yes, dead or alive.” He said as if it should have been obvious.“Do I get a choice?” Lena demanded, crossing her arms angrily.‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ pursed his lips and studied Lena’s fierceness closely, looking for evidence of something, “Yes. That’s why I’m here... to help you make your decision.”OrIt's a Wonderful Life AU
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 36
Kudos: 768





	It's a Wonderful Luthor

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so... I wrote this just under a year go. I started it in December last year but night shifts at work prevented me from finishing it in time for Xmas, therefore I promised myself that I would post this on Christmas Eve of this year come hell or high water. Funny thing though, within that year Supergirl have more or less announced their own 'It's a Wonderful Life' AU episode which I am beyond pleased about (but also annoyed that I didn't get to post this before that because I had made that stupid promise to myself - it is 12:30, just gone Christmas Eve in the UK so I'm finally allowed to post this, yay!)
> 
> Just a quick note, please skip this if you just want to get to the story - I'm just ruminating as usual - It's a Wonderful Life is probably my favourite christmas film of all time. I've watched it - and cried because of it - every christmas eve for the last ten years, ever since my mum made me sit and watch it (it was black and white so as a kid I was stupidly resistant at first). Anyway, as a person who adores this film and has seen numerous films or tv shows try to use/emulate the concept I just want to comment on what I find makes this film so specatucalur and what I think all those tv/film copies miss. 
> 
> George Bailey, is an ordinary guy who is unbelievably kind and remains just as kind despite all the hardships life throws at him. The majority of the film is watching the kindness that George puts out into the world, only the final third is the concept everyone knows - seeing the world without the kindness he has put out there. But the thing is, the best part of the film is the last five minutes (obviously spoilers ahead). George having seen the kindness and difference he has made returns to his family ready to fight the next battle to put more kindness out into the world even though he is in a pretty bad place, even though he's struggling, even though everything has gone wrong. Then, the true wonder happens... the kindness he put out into the world comes back to him. Everyone he ever helped, everyone he showed kindness to, comes to help him in return... gives back all the kindness he gave them. (It's literally the most uplifting moment and I dare anyone to not cry during it).
> 
> Anyway, what I'm really saying is... I hope when Supergirl does their version of 'It's a Wonderful Life' it ends in the same way. Kara gets back all the kindness she has put out into the world, just for a moment...
> 
> I also hope the same for all of you x
> 
> Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

It was by no means the first time Lena had fallen asleep at her desk, but it was the first time she had woken up with no recollection of whatever project, critical deadline or Supergirl crisis that had warranted her foregoing her luxury bed for the cold, unforgiving surface of her desk as a pillow.

Besides the lack of memory, which was worrying enough in and of itself, Lena also awoke to an acute, almost blinding pain radiating from her chest. It was this utter agony which had prompted her to jerk awake in the first place, gasping out in shock, as her hands immediately flew to the spot, just below her heart, that seemed to be the source of her torment. 

Where she expected to find a deep, visceral wound leaking crimson, her hands came away dry and spotless. The intense pain Lena felt forced her to disbelieve what her hands presented to her and quickly yank the v neckline of her dress upwards and out of the way to garner a clear view. Yet again, there was no sign of injury, no deformed bones, no cuts or abrasions, not even a single bruise. 

It was the act of rationally acknowledging the lack of any clear cause for her sharp agony that resulted in the pain beginning to ebb and recede away steadily with each passing second leaving behind only a dull, ever present ache in harsh contrast to the original burning white hot stab of pain. Lena’s breathing evened out as the pain lessened, and the hazy fog that had clouded her mind began to slowly clear, allowing her to gradually register other observations regarding her bizarre awakening. 

The first thing she noticed was her clothes.

She was currently dressed in her old favourite form-fitting, black work dress that came down to the knee and had an unrestricting v neckline. Her outfit was completed by a pair of intimidating black heels with signature red soles which was even more confusing because Lena was pretty sure she had thrown those shoes out after the heel broke following whatever assassination attempt of the week had occurred. Anyway, even if she was misremembering the current state of her shoes, she was certain of the fact that she hadn’t worn an outfit like this in months. 

The dark, intimidating dress and shoes made up an outfit that she would wear when going into ‘battle’. Meetings with the board, lunches with her mother, addressing the distrustful public or facing the vengeful news media… regardless of the event, her outfit was her armour and helped her feel brave, confident and strong. 

It was an outfit she hadn’t had to wear for months now, not when a certain CatCo reporter, secret superhero and best friend, Kara Danvers was around. 

Kara Danvers made her feel safe enough to shed her armour.

Kara Danvers made her feel fearless enough to be herself no matter what she wore.

It was Kara who suggested, with that carefree and unbelievably warm smile that Lena was utterly incapable of saying no to, that ‘this electric blue looks good on you and you should definitely get it’. It was Kara who thought Lena suited lime green shirts and bright red dresses. It was Kara who encouraged patterns and prints, and gently led Lena away from her standard block coloured clothes. 

Lena’s wardrobe (and life) had never been so bright and colourful, so it was a rather significant shock to find herself back in her dark ‘armour’ out of nowhere.

That’s when Lena noticed the other strange thing… the stillness.

Mid-morning light streamed through the windows, but the shadows cast in the room hadn’t moved an inch despite the fact they should have traced out the movement of the sun. Silence hung heavy over everything, there was no distant sound of traffic rumbling along from the street below or buffeting noise that came from the wind beating against the windows. Lena pushed her chair away from her desk and stumbled to the glass balcony door which she peered through to see into the neighbouring skyscrapers, only to find the offices below her empty. A glance down to the streets revealed them to be equally as deserted.

It was like someone had hit the pause button on the whole world except for Lena who was beginning to fear she had awoken to her own post-apocalyptic nightmare akin to ‘The Walking Dead’. 

“Ah! You’re awake. That means we can finally get started.” 

Lena whirled round sharply to find none other than Brainy, dressed unusually well in a pressed white shirt and smart black trousers, beaming brightly at her from the other side of her office.

“Brainy?” Lena greeted uncertainly, something off about her guest in the way that he stood, far more casual and relaxed than Brainy’s usual straight posture, his normally assessing gaze was replaced with an excited child-like wonder as he stared at her. “What are you doing here? What’s going on?” Lena questioned.

“Oh…. umm… this is always so awkward.” Brainy coughed out, “Umm… I’m not Brainy.”

“You’re not-” Lena began to repeat, before taking the time to fully assess ‘Not-Brainy’ in front of her and deciding, whoever he was, he was at least being honest. “Nevermind.” Lena mumbled, before pointing at the imposter. “Who are you then?”

‘Not-Brainy’ positively lit up at the question, “Well, put simply I’m an angel.”

Lena froze for a second, absorbing the answer, before rolling her eyes derisively and muttering sarcastically, “An angel? Of course you are.”

‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ let out a deep sigh of relief, obviously failing to pick up on her less than sincere response, “That was easy, most people are much harder to convince.” He began to walk towards her, gesturing with a hand at his own body as he went on to explain, “I hope you don’t mind but I borrowed your friend’s appearance for our interactions. We find taking the form of someone our charge knows gives them a sense of familiarity. We try not to pick someone you’re too close to though as we tend to find that makes the person uncomfortable.” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ whispered the last part to Lena like he was sharing a secret and he seemed to wince as if he was remembering a rather embarrassing interaction. 

Lena frowned at just how hard ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ was trying to sell this, “Still feeling somewhat uncomfortable over here.” 

“Oh, really?” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ raised an eyebrow in surprise at that, glancing around as if the cause of Lena’s discomfort would jump up and make itself apparent. His gaze settled on Lena, examining her closely, “Is it the clothes?” He pointed to her black dress and shoes, “My research seemed to suggest that they would help with your emotional state by giving you a sense of confidence.” Lena opened and closed her mouth, unsure how to respond, but ‘Not-brainy-but-an-angel’ had already jumped to the next suggestion, “Or is it the pain? I’m afraid, I can’t do much about that. You’re still connected to your body, see?” He shrugged helplessly before giving her a reassuring smile, “Though it should have subdued significantly since you woke up. Which is good news.” He clapped his hands, causing Lena to step back in surprise. When Lena still failed to confirm his theory, he pursed his lips and furrowed his brow thoughtfully, “Or is it my appearance? I can change it! How about your secretary Jess?” Lena watched in abject horror as ‘Not-brainy-but-an-angel’ snapped his fingers and morphed into ‘Not-Jess-but-an-angel’. “Or maybe CatCo’s new recruit Nia Nal?” Another snap and ‘Not-Nia-but-an-angel’ was stood grinning maniacally in front of her. “Oh, I know how about-”

“Enough!” Lena yelled, her head already feeling like it was on the verge of exploding, “What the hell is going on?”

“You don’t know?” ‘Not-Nia-but-an-angel’, shifted back to their original ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’s form and tilted his head at Lena in confusion, “I figured with your intellect and…” Realisation swept over ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’s expression and he proceeded to slap his forehead, “Oh, the memories haven’t come through yet… Well, I guess the trauma-”

“I’m sorry,” Lena held up a hand in a plea for silence, “you’re really not being clear. Can you just tell me what is going on?”

‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ hesitated before stating bluntly, “You’re dead...  _ nearly _ .”

“I’m dead?!”

“ _ Nearly _ .” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’, repeated adding extra emphasis to the word. “You could go either way.”

“Either way?” Lena muttered in disbelief.

“Yes, dead or alive.” He said as if it should have been obvious.

“Do I get a choice?” Lena demanded, crossing her arms angrily.

‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ pursed his lips and studied Lena’s fierceness closely, looking for evidence of something, “Yes. That’s why I’m here... to help you make your decision.”

“I…” Lena’s voice caught in her throat, so she asked instead, “What happened to me?”

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“Yes.” Lena replied instantly.

‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ stepped forward and reached out to tap Lena’s forehead with his forefinger.

Everything went black and memories rushed to fill the darkness.

* * *

It was like any other day. 

Lena got up early, hit the gym for an hour, showered, eat a healthy breakfast and headed to work. Meetings, phone calls and a near endless stream of emails made up the majority of the morning, and she managed to get far enough ahead in her workload to justify getting out from behind her desk to spend some time in the lab tinkering with one of her pet projects. She eventually returned to her office to discover an even greater reward for her hard work in the form of an extra cheerful blonde reporter waiting for her, decked out in an over the top christmas jumper that had become a staple of the reporter’s appearance from the first of December onwards, holding out a large bag of takeaway from their favourite chinese restaurant. 

Lena fell onto the sofa and dug in without hesitation basking in Kara’s warmth and soothing voice. 

Kara was babbling non-stop about her struggles to find the absolute  _ perfect  _ christmas presents for her friends and family, Lena knew from experience with birthdays that Kara was a serial last minute gift purchaser. 

Not because she was thoughtless or uncaring, it was for the exact opposite reason that the blonde was often found rushing around stores mere hours before the deadline. 

It was because she cared too much. 

Plenty of options presented themselves, and she would write a near endless list of ideas but Kara always feared a better present would come along that she would miss out on.

Lena rolled her eyes fondly before settling in to give Kara the support and encouragement she needed to decide on presents now rather than later. 

Lena had just finished her portion, whilst Kara was still going strong, when it happened.

The balcony windows were blasted into pieces, sending shards of glass towards the two of them. Kara reacted immediately, pulling Lena into her arms and shielding the CEO’s body with her own. 

With the number of assassination attempts that had happened, Lena was no longer terrified whenever armed men arrived wielding guns, sometimes (like when she knew Kara was close by) she didn’t even experience a single stirring of fear. 

Today, should have been like that. 

If these had been like any of the other goons who had foolishly tried to take her out, Kara would already have rounded them up and left them tied up with a neat bow as an early Christmas present for the police. 

Today, though, Kara was  _ slow _ .

Human slow.

Kara pushed herself sluggishly to her feet and Lena, instinctively aware that something was wrong, looked up to see minor cuts, and gashes from the shards of glass covering Kara’s arms and one side of her face. 

Scars and cuts shouldn’t mar Kara’s skin. 

Not ever. 

Immediately working out what was happening Lena dived forward to drag Kara behind the sofa to provide cover. Kara fell unstably to the floor, green lines flickering beneath her rapidly paling skin. 

Fear like she hadn’t experienced in years flooded through Lena’s every nerve. Not for herself, but for Kara. Fear of failing to help, of failing to protect the most important person in the world to her.

Bullets began to fly and whiz past the top of her head. She listened carefully to the rhythm, marking the breaks and paying attention to where the three intruders where standing. Pre-empting a break in gunfire Lena rushed over to her desk, ducking behind it with only milliseconds to spare. She pressed the emergency call button hidden underneath her desk which would ensure the police would be alerted. 

Now, she just had to keep herself and Kara alive long enough for them to arrive. 

Pulling open the bottom drawer, Lena brought out the prototype stun gun she had created for occasions just like this. The gun was a chrome silver with a blue power monitor above the grip. It fired charged bullets, not designed to pierce the skin but to attach themselves to whoever they were fired at and release an electric shock strong enough to incapacitate. She took a deep, steadying breath, remembering every lesson from her bodyguards and the various tips Alex had given her over the last few years, and waited for another break in gunfire before raising her head and aiming her gun to fire back. 

The intruder closest to her fell immediately, and another was sufficiently suppressed to fall back, losing the advance he had started to make towards Kara.

The third attacker, however, dropped to a crouch but continued unrelentingly towards where Kara was hidden from sight. 

That’s when Lena realised, with a cold twist in her stomach that she wasn’t the target. 

Kara was, hence the green kryptonite bullets. 

With the third attacker only moments away from getting a clear-line on Kara, Lena didn’t hesitate to rush forward, desperate to intervene before it was too late. Her sudden suicidal run caused the third attacker to do a double take in shock giving Lena a clear line to knock him out with her stun gun. 

“Kara!” Lena shouted upon seeing Kara attempting to get to her feet intent on helping in anyway possible. “Stay down!” She ordered, rushing forward to support the blonde back to the floor, momentarily forgetting about the other danger in the room. Her arms were wrapped around Kara, pulling her close when she saw the final attacker in her peripheral vision raising his gun to take aim. 

Lena reacted without forethought, shoving Kara backwards and spinning round to fire her own weapon in retaliation. The room was illuminated by a green flash and a blue spark of electricity, followed by heavy thuds as two bodies hit the ground.

Lena knew she’d been hit when the wind rushed out of her lungs all of a sudden and her legs gave out underneath her. Her backwards fall, however, was softened considerably by Kara who had dropped down in advance to act as a cushion. 

“Lena! Oh Rao, Lena, please be okay…” Kara pleaded, her hands instantly moving to cover the spot on Lena’s chest that had turned a bright crimson. “Please, be okay.”

“Kara, I…”, Lena began with the aim of reassuring Kara that she was fine. That it didn’t even hurt, which was true, there was just a steadily growing numbness spreading from her chest to her limbs. Fatigue was overwhelming her causing her to struggle to get the words out. 

She had never felt so  _ tired _ in her life. 

She just wanted to close her eyes and snuggle into the warmth that Kara was offering her as she began to feel a chill working its way through her body. 

“Just stay awake, okay? Just keep your eyes open, please.” Kara begged, her voice cracking unbearably to Lena who immediately squinted, focusing her eyes on Kara’s tear-stained, painfully green tinted face. 

Lena hated how scared Kara looked, it made her appear far younger than her reindeer jumper ever could. 

“Sleepy…” Lena murmured in explanation.

“I know. I know.” Kara muttered understandingly, bending forward to press a kiss to Lena’s forehead. 

Lena sighed happily in contentment at the contact, whilst her nose twinged smelling something burning nearby. As Kara leaned back, Lena tilted her head to the side to glance down at her injury. Kara’s hands were hiding the injury for the most part by applying pressure but that just made it all the easier to see the burns slowly spreading across Kara’s hands as they were exposed to the kryptonite bullet currently buried inside Lena. 

Lena instantly began to shift, wanting to put some space between herself Kara, hating that she was inflicting pain on Kara in any shape or form. Kara, however, remained steadfast, despite lacking her usual strength she did not yield. The effort to move stole a large chunk of energy and Lena’s eyes drifted closed as her breathing began to get deeper. 

“Please, Lena, I need you to stay awake for a little while longer. I need you to stay with me.” Kara’s voice sounded further and further away as consciousness gave way to a comforting sleep, “Lena! I can’t… I can’t fly you… I can’t help… I can’t- I can’t-” 

Lena could hear Kara but the words she was saying didn’t register like they were supposed to.

“Kara?” A new voice called out from somewhere in the darkness that Lena couldn’t shake off.

“Alex! Phone for an ambulance! I can’t- I couldn’t...” 

“Kryptonite.” 

The two voices were merely muffled whispers to Lena by this point, and her sluggish mind struggled to even identify or recognise the speakers. 

“Alex, tell me she’s going to be okay…”

“Kara, I-”

“She needs to be okay.”

And that was the last thing Lena heard before peacefully being consumed by an all encompassing silence.

* * *

“She nearly died because of me.” Lena muttered, her eyes burning with self-loathing as she stared at the spot where she had been shot.

“That’s what you took away from that!?” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ exclaimed incredulously, shaking his head in exasperation, “I’m now seeing why I was told that this case would be  _ particularly _ difficult…”

“It’s all my fault.” Lena spat out, “It’s always  _ my _ fault.” She clenched her fists at her sides, her nails digging into the palms of her hands, “Everything I touch gets destroyed. Everytime I try to help, all I do is make things worse…”

“You can’t honestly believe that?” He asked sadly, his brown eyes wide with disbelief and shining with compassion.

“I have more than enough evidence.” Lena declared, waving her hand as she counted of her failings as if presenting them to a courtroom. “Look at my family. My very existence destroyed my parent’s marriage. My father became cruel and distant, eventually dying alone and unloved. My brother, who I loved more than anyone, became a monster, and I did nothing to stop it.” 

‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ opened his mouth repeatedly to intervene and provide his counterarguments but Lena bulldozed every attempt, not wanting to hear what she thought were minor, unremarkable achievements in comparison to her failures.

“My mother went the same way as him. Now she’s rotting in prison because of the one time she cared about me enough to try and keep me safe.” Lena continued, her face twisting unpleasantly at the venom on her tongue. “Thousands of people, human and alien, have suffered because of a Luthor. A large number of them because of an invention  _ I  _ made.” Lena banged a fist angrily against her chest. “And Kara…”, Lena’s voice gave out for a second as an image of the blonde flashed in her mind’s eye, knowing that she would hate the way Lena was talking about herself. Knowing that Kara would have jumped in, yelling loudly and proudly a list of everything little thing Lena had done that she thought outranked Lena’s points. 

“The kindest, most selfless, most wonderful person I know nearly died because of me... those men had to have been sent by Lex’s fanatics, they know about my friendship with Supergirl and, by extension, Kara… She’s nearly died because she tried to be my friend countless times.” Lena whispered the last part defeatedly, memories flashing before her eyes on repeat of Kara constantly having to fight to survive because of her association with Lena. 

“So yes…” Lena declared, lifting her chin defiantly into the air. “I honestly believe that all I’ve done is brought more darkness into the world. The world would be much better off without me in it. I have made my decision…”

“The world would be better without you in it?” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ repeated, narrowing his gaze at Lena in obvious frustration.

“ _ So  _ much better.” Lena stated stubbornly, arching an eyebrow in challenge.

“Fine…” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ said coolly as he raised a hand and smirked, “How about we see for ourselves?”

He snapped his fingers and in the blink of an eye... everything changed.

* * *

The warm sunlight that had been streaming through the windows had vanished to be replaced by a grey overcast sky and a dense smog that obliterated any and all chances to even see the neighbouring buildings, let alone the street below. The interior of Lena’s once bright, spacious office had also changed drastically. Now the walls were painted a dark grey, and her sleek furniture had been converted into dark wood monstrosities that were trying far too hard to appear masculine.

Lena spun around, taking everything in and realising with growing horror that ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ had equally vanished alongside the familiar world she once knew.

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?” 

Lena winced at the furious bellow and turned to find none other than Morgan Edge sat at a desk that should have been hers.

“Excuse me!?” Lena threw back, her own anger rising at being confronted with someone she loathed acting like he owned the place that was rightfully hers. “What the hell are you doing in  _ my _ office?!” 

Morgan rose to his feet, the unnecessarily large chair (that Lena didn’t doubt he called a throne in his head) being thrown back abruptly to collide with the wall. “JESS! GET SECURITY IN HERE, NOW!” He screamed, his face turning an ugly shade of purple with the effort.

“Jess?” Lena repeated in confusion as the office door to her right, swung open quickly and a wide-eyed, scared looking Jess rushed in, her shoulders hunched over as if to make herself smaller and avoid attracting too much attention. 

Jess looked in shock between Lena who was staring back at her, hoping to see a flicker of recognition, and Morgan who looked like he was on the verge of bursting a blood vessel. 

“Sir, I am so sorry.” Jess rapidly stuttered out, all the colour draining from her face as Morgan advanced around his desk towards the two women, “I honestly don’t know how this happened.”

“I do!” Edge exclaimed, stepping uncomfortably into Jess’ personal space causing the secretary to shrink further in on herself. 

Lena’s protective urges reared up and she made to step forward and intervene when two pairs of massive hands grabbed either of her arms and hoisted her into the air. Two hulking security guards glared threateningly at her as she squirmed desperately to get free of their grip. 

“Your complete and utter incompetence!” Edge berated the secretary harshly, showing no shame in belittling the woman in front of an audience. “You may be a pretty face but you certainly don’t have the brains to back it up. Pack up your desk and get out! You’re fired!” With that announcement, Edge flapped a hand dismissing Jess like she was a used tissue he was about to throw away. 

“But, sir-” Jess pleaded but it was at that moment that Edge remembered Lena’s presence. 

He whirled around to face the guards with a deep scowl and pointed at the door, shouting like a petulant child, “OUT!”

The guards lifted Lena up higher and dragged her out of the office and towards the elevator at the end of the corridor. The fight to free herself went out of her as soon as the doors to the elevator slid closed, leaving her with the final image of an irate Edge continuing to take his anger out on a sobbing Jess.

* * *

“Let go of me already!” Lena demanded as the guards shoved her through doors emblazoned with EdgeCorp in bold, black lettering. “Get your hands off of me!”

She had been more or less dragged through the entire building that was once her beloved L-Corp but was now, if the propaganda videos that played cloyingly on repeat in the elevator was any indication, the single largest weapons manufacturer in the world. 

The guards finally did as requested as they shoved her uncaringly onto the smog-filled streets. She fell awkwardly onto the pavement, her hands and knees stinging as grazes appeared on them. Letting out a heavy groan, Lena got to her feet, thankful that her heels had held up against her recent mistreatment better than they had in another life.

Lena began to cough almost immediately, the acrid air irritating her throat and feeling heavy as it settled in her lungs. The streets seemed far emptier than she ever remembered them being and the occasional passerby resolutely kept their eyes to the ground to avoid any and all chances of interacting with another human being. 

“This… this can’t be National City…”, Lena murmured in disbelief, taking in the abundant graffiti marking the walls and the state of disrepair nearly every building she walked by appeared to be in. Walking quickly down the streets, without a destination in mind, Lena catalogued every difference she came across.

The chinese restaurant that Kara adored and had gotten their takeaway from was now replaced by a gun shop with barred windows.

The local police station that used to be covered with positive role models of police officers putting the community first were replaced with threatening Orwellian reminders to ‘obey the rule of law’.

In place of the park where the Supergirl statue should have stood, there was an EdgeCorp factory spewing out an endless stream of smoke into the sky.

The final straw for Lena came in the form of a casino that was now occupying the exact spot ‘The Luthor Children’s Hospital’ should have been.

* * *

“Okay…” Lena said to herself, ducking into an alleyway where she could rationalise everything out loud without being viewed as a certified crazy person. “You have seen ‘Back to the Future’ countless times and have been an avid fan of comic books and sci-fi since a young age, above all that... you are a scientist.” Lena declared pausing in her frantic pacing to add emphasis to this point. “Which means… I know the importance of information.” 

Lena nodded her head as she settled on her goal until ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ deigned to re-appear and get her out of this happy fun time version of National City that clearly didn’t understand the benefits of clean air and thought 1984 was more of an enticing manifesto than a terrifying warning.

“I need to understand what future or alternate reality I live in… so information… information…”, Lena ran through her options, murmuring nonsensically as she did so before deciding what her best choice was, “CatCo’s not far from here. It’s work hours so there’s a thirty-five percent chance Kara is  _ actually _ there...”

Her destination set, Lena scurried out of the alley and hurried to where she hoped she might see at least one familiar face that could never let her down.

* * *

“EDGE Co.? You’ve got to be kidding me…”, Lena whined bitterly, as she looked up at the once prestigious CatCo offices. On the display screen outside the reception area, an overly airbrushed Edge smirked back at her, “Aaaand he put himself on the cover,” Lena dragged out, not even remotely surprised, “at least  _ I  _ wasn’t conceited enough to put myself on the cover once I took over…” She mumbled with a roll of her eyes as she stepped up to the receptionist’s desk.

The receptionist kept her eyes fixed on the computer screen, blatantly ignoring Lena’s presence by pretending she had blinders on that rendered her peripheral vision useless. Lena waited patiently for a minute. The she waited impatiently for another minute.

Lena hadn’t been ignored once in her entire life - her parents notwithstanding - she was used to overly long stares, insults and various demands for attention. 

Never indifference. Not with her Luthor name. 

“Hello-”, Lena called out, clearing her throat loudly to introduce herself.

“Do you have an appointment?” The receptionist clicked out, not even bothering to look away from her screen as she addressed Lena.

“No, see I-”

“Can’t help you.” The woman interrupted, not even bothering to hear Lena out. “Please come back with an appointment.”

Lena took a deep breath and bit her tongue before stating clearly, “I’m looking for a Kara Danvers,”

“Can’t help you.” The woman chimed in the most irritating way possible.

“You can’t help me?” Lena repeated coolly, her fingers tapping intimidatingly on top of the reception counter, putting on her best haughty Lillian Luthor impression. “Well, clearly you are inordinately busy with that game of solitaire I can see you playing in the reflection of your glasses.”

The receptionist’s head snapped round to face Lena as she said vengefully, “Ma’am! I will call security.”

Lena dropped her head into her hands in utter disbelief and bewilderment, “God, why are you all so jumpy in this universe?”

“Excuse me?” The woman squawked indignantly.

“Look, just please…” Lena sighed, putting on the most conciliatory tone she could, “Please tell me if Kara Danvers at least works here? I will get out of here as soon as I know.”

The woman pursed her lips, clearly trying to decide if phoning security to escort Lena off-site was easier than looking up the answer to Lena’s question. Lena exhaled deeply in relief when the receptionist minimised her game of solitaire to get up the employee directory, typing in Kara’s name. 

“No, she does not.” The woman announced, even though Lena could see the ‘zero results’ returned on the screen. “Now please leave.”

“Fine.” Lena acquiesced, deflating significantly as she slinked back out to the streets she barely recognised of the city she’d come to love. “Okay… next stop my house…”, Lena muttered, already anticipating a less than pleasant experience awaiting her.

* * *

“Okay… definitely not my house and I will be promptly moving now that I have seen that.” Lena proclaimed as she bolted out of the two story suburban house which she had just discovered was now home to a drug cartel that seemed unable to understand the purpose of a bathroom or bedroom, or the health benefits of cleaning regularly if the multitude of stains was anything to go by.

Lena shuddered to think what a blacklight would find.

“Alright, next up… Kara’s apartment.”

* * *

“Well,” Lena remarked as she stared up at the burnt out husk of the building that used to house Kara’s apartment, “at least my house was still standing…”

Throwing her head back in dismay, she considered her options. She could go to the DEO, but she didn’t fancy being locked up for breaking into a secure government facility whilst she was seeking out a familiar person she could trust. 

She was now left with Alex, Winn and James as options since Kara seemed particularly hard to find in this universe.

Alex was the most logical choice, but Lena was acutely aware how trigger happy the agent could be and this bleak universe might have made that attribute significantly worse. She had no idea where Winn lived, and James was rather dense and hard to convince at times.

Lena groaned, reconciling her life to a small cell in the DEO underbelly when she was jarred from her thoughts by someone staggering drunkenly out of the fog and into her side. 

“Hey, watch where you’re go-” Lena reprimanded, catching herself from falling at the last moment; she whirled round to give her sternest glare only to find a familiar face, “Alex?”

“What’s it to you?” The red-head slurred, swaying back and forth unsteadily. 

The only reason Lena recognised her was because of the suspicious expression on her face that harked back to their very first meeting in Kara’s apartment. Other than that, this universe’s Alex was worlds away from the version Lena knew. Her red hair had lost all of it’s shine and was hanging limply by her face, her brown eyes were cold and deep lines marked her face where smooth skin should have been. 

“How do you know my name?” Alex demanded, lifting a fist, curled around a nearly empty bottle of whiskey, up. 

Lena wasn’t even remotely intimidated by the threat, a strong gust of wind could knock Alex over at this moment in time. “What happened to you?” 

Alex stiffened and her eyes squinted at Lena in confusion, “Don’t know what you’re t-t-talking about…”

“You’re drunk.” Lena stated coolly, gesturing up and down Alex’s body.

“So?” Alex shrugged as if this was her normal state of being.

“It’s midday on a workweek…”, Lena clarified, still unable to fathom the strong-willed agent being reduced to… well, this.

“Again… so?”

“Alex.” Lena said softly, her face crumbling as she realised how far Kara’s hero had fallen, which is something Lena knew Kara would never, ever, not in a million, billion years let happen. 

“Don’t look at me like that!” Alex snapped, her expression twisting with fury at the pity Lena was giving her.

“Sorry.” Lena murmured, shaking her head as she glanced back over her shoulder at what she was convinced used to be the happiest place in the universe because it was where Kara lived. 

“Look…” Alex coughed, and Lena looked back her to find the redhead studying her intently, “You look like you’ve had a worse week than me…” Lena tilted her head to the side expectantly, “Do you want to get a drink?”

“Sure, why the hell not?” Lena agreed, it wasn’t like she had anything else to do.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Alex took Lena to the alien bar… or, well, a bar that occupied the same space that the alien bar did in Lena’s reality. The bar had always had that rundown, classic dive chic which had the strange effect of making anyone who walked in feel welcome and at ease. This bar, however, was just a total dive, and not in a hipster sense. It was grimy and the second you walked in all the other customers went silent, assessing the newest arrival to determine whether they could get away with robbing or murdering you without much issue.

Alex barely even registered the harsh, aggressive glares directed her way and fell into a booth that was so sticky, Lena was afraid that if any part of her being touched the surfaces for even a short length of time, she would be forever glued to it. 

“So-”, Lena began carefully, folding her hands neatly into her lap as Alex made eye contact with the brooding bartender, who immediately started pulling out two bottles of beer and making his way over.

“No.” Alex stopped her bluntly, snatching one of the bottles of beer from the bartender the second it was close enough to do so. “Silence… At least for the first drink.” Alex requested, before taking a deep swig of her beer and looking resolutely away from Lena’s concerned gaze.

Lena leant back, respecting the redhead’s wishes whilst her heart ached terribly in her chest. She hated when people described anyone as broken, but it was the only word that came to mind whenever she looked at Kara’s formerly fierce and dedicated big sister. 

Only one thought kept running through Lena’s mind… Where was Kara? 

Desperate to stop the dark thoughts currently spiralling in her head, Lena looked around for something to absorb her attention as she slowly sipped at her cheap beer. Above the bar was a television currently displaying the news and Lena watched it with vague interest, not really taking the information in until-

“What the hell happened to Metropolis?!” Lena shouted in utter dismay, as the images of a burnt out husk that was once her home illuminated the small screen.

“What? You been living under a rock or something?” Alex scoffed, looking at her strangely as if Lena was the weird thing about this messed up reality.

Lena pursed her lips and shrugged helplessly, “Kind of a hermit… Sheltered childhood before that…” She muttered brusquely in reply before returning to her original line of questioning, “What happened to Metropolis?”

“A Luthor and a Super, what else could it have been?” Alex answered derisively, waving her hand dismissively and taking another deep draught of her beer, unaware of the cold pit that had opened up in Lena’s stomach. “Lex and Superman obliterated it in their fight.” Alex continued, her voice cold and emotionless, barely any interest or care towards the horrific events she was explaining, “Superman turned all dark and twisty following it… turns out Lex killed his wife and child. Superman became Overman and the country bowed down to his oppression.”

Lena’s throat constricted uncomfortably as she glanced back at the television screen where a dark suited Kal-El flew ominously above his now post-apocalyptic appearing city. 

“No… that wouldn’t happen, K-...” Lena gasped out, the dread that had been brewing beneath the surface since Kara not being at CatCo reached fever pitch. “I mean Supergirl wouldn’t let that happen.” Lena murmured, her voice pleading as she turned back to face Alex, who looked grey and utterly worn down.

“No, she wouldn’t…” Alex whispered meekly, her voice softening for the first time. The softness and minor flash of tenderness that was the purest glimpse of the Alex that Lena knew, vanished a mere second later to be replaced by a dark and hateful expression as she added, practically spitting out the words, “But she was long dead and buried at the time, so what the hell was she going to do about it...”

“What?” Lena said, her entire body instantly going numb, her mind shutting down at the mere suggestion of... Of… Kara being...

Lena was unable to handle it, unable to fathom it, unable to accept it.

Lena couldn’t imagine any world, any reality, any plane of existence that would be worth a damn if it didn’t have Kara in it.

“Dead and buried.” Alex declared, her jaw tightening and her eyes turning red. The grief still utterly raw and present. 

“No.” Lena rejected, gritting her teeth as her own eyes turned watery and her throat felt tight, struggling futilely to prevent sobs from escaping.

“Yup.” Alex assured with a pop, trying to appear casual and disinterested despite gripping her beer bottle so tightly it was close to shattering in her hand.

“I…” Lena croaked, she could barely hear the sounds of the bar anymore, her heart was pounding so furiously in her chest that all she could hear was it’s thrumming beat in her ears.

Which was something Lena didn’t understand… how can a broken heart beat that loudly? 

How can it beat at all?

“I am so sorry.” Lena whispered, her hand instinctively reaching out to Alex’s one that rested on the table.

Alex jerked her hand away from Lena’s kindly offered touch and snarled harshly, “Why are you apologising to me for?”

“I don’t…” Lena stuttered, her heart ground to even finer dust as she was unable to share her grief with the one person who was just as ripped to pieces as she was, “I don’t know.”

“I’m done talking.” Alex spat out, “Leave me alone.”

Lena was so numb, so hollowed out that she felt absolutely nothing when she subtly swiped another bar patron’s phone on the way out.

She needed to confirm what Alex had said and more importantly she needed to see it for herself…

* * *

The graveyard was empty and poorly kept. The grass was long with clumps of weeds dotted here and there. The gravestones were mossy and dirty. 

Lena went row by row, scanning the names on each of them; clutching fiercely at the thinnest thindril of hope that she wouldn’t find Kara’s name. That it was a lie, a ruse, a cruel joke. 

But deep amongst the yard, Lena found it.

Kara Danvers gravestone,  _ beloved daughter and sister _ . 

The grave was slightly better kept than all the ones that Lena had seen so far and she presumed that was Alex’s doing; even whilst struggling with demons and trauma, Alex was still the protective and caring big sister.

“Kara.” Lena breathed out, the sobs she had been pushing down finally unleashing as she sank to her knees, one hand covering her mouth whilst the other tenderly traced the lettering on the grey stone. “Not you. Never you.” 

“Seen enough?” 

Lena glanced back over her shoulder to see ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’, lingering solemnly behind her, his expression sombre. 

“Yes.” Lena choked out, wiping aggressively at the unending stream of tears falling down her cheeks. “Yes. I’ve seen enough. I get it.” Lena murmured, her head bent, unable to bear looking at the gravestone of the most wonderful woman in the known universe. “The world was better because my money and intellect made a difference.” 

“Just your money and intellect?” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ prompted quietly, “You don’t see any benefit within yourself?”

Lena scoffed derisively, shaking her head dismally. “Anyone could make the same difference if they had my wealth and IQ.”

“Morgan Edge doesn’t.” The angel pointed out gently, and Lena looked back at him to see him staring meaningfully at the smog clouds being spewed out of the ugly industrial plants that dominated the skyline and were stamped with ‘EDGE’ wherever possible.

Lena frowned, “I don’t appreciate the implication that Morgan Edge is as smart as I am.”

“Fair point.” The angel conceded with a gentle shrug, before strolling closer and sitting down beside Lena’s still crumpled form. “Let’s try this from a different angle then.” The angel said, bending his head down to meet Lena’s gaze, “Does Kara make a difference?”

Lena physically recoiled at the sheer absurdity of the question. At how ridiculous even the suggestion that Kara (wonderful, superlative Kara) could not make a difference to any world she inhabited.

“Yes, of course she does.” Lena snapped.

‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ tilted his head to the side and asked thoughtfully, “If you gave her powers to anyone else would they make just as big a difference as Kara?”

“No…” Lena replied immediately, her voice cutting out as realisation dawned causing the angel to smirk proudly at her. “But that’s... completely different.” Lena defended weakly, though she struggled to come up with a reason as to why.

“Is it?”

“I…” Lena murmured falteringly before shaking her head determinedly, “Look, it doesn’t matter. I’ll go back okay? I’ll keep trying to do good and all that crap.” Lena promised, unable to bear even another second of this world without Kara in it.

“Hmmm…” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ inspected her closely and Lena squirmed under his attention feeling like he could see her hidden thoughts almost as well as Kara could. “Are you going to go back and try to be happy as well?”

“Huh?” Lena’s face scrunched up in conversation, not even remotely seeing how that mattered...

“I could just send you back…” The angel tapped his chin and considered this suggestion before arching an eyebrow, “but I think there’s one more thing you need to see…”

“And what’s that?” Lena asked with a sigh, just wanting to be back home already.

‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ smiled sadly at her, “The difference  _ Lena  _ makes.”

And with that final declaration, ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ snapped his fingers and once again the world changed.

* * *

The grey smog had vanished to be replaced with clear blue, and the industrial factories taking up the skyline were gone, returned back to the glass and steel striking buildings Lena knew so well. 

“Where are we?” Lena asked, squinting against the bright sunlight and looking around expectantly as she got unsteadily back to her feet.

“Same graveyard.” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ supplied helpfully.

“Yes, I see that…” Lena replied with a slightly amused eyeroll. The cemetery had changed as well but it was still recognisable as being the same location. The grass was well tended, kept short and free from weeds, and the grave stones were clear of moss. “I meant what reality.”

‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ rose and stood next to her, staring off into the distance, “Your reality… twenty or so years in the future.”

“Why?” Lena questioned, her expression quizzical.

“You’ll see.” The angel said simply, jerking his chin in the direction he had fixed gaze on.

Lena turned her head to see what he was pointing out and instantly recognised a familiar blue and red figure coming in to land gently beside one of the grave stones a few rows away.

“Wait… is that…”, Lena began, her heart stitching itself slowly back together at the mere sight of Kara, alive and beautiful.

“Why don’t you go see for yourself?” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ encouraged, “Just so you know, she can’t see or hear you.”

Lena nodded in understanding, only catching the tail end of the angel’s comment, as the second she had been given the go ahead, she had started to move as fast as her surprisingly sturdy heels would allow her to do so. As she approached, she watched as Kara settled into a crouch, her fingers lovingly tracing the letters etched onto the white marble stone.

“Kara?” Lena breathed out gratefully, falling to her knees beside her best friend.

Kara looked older, there were strands of grey in her blonde hair that made her look dignified and motherly. Her blue eyes however, didn’t shine as bright as they used to, there was something sad and even more lonely about them than before. Her suit had changed: the blue was a bit darker, the skirt had been swapped out for pants, the large emblem on her chest was smaller now and was situated on the top left hand side of her chest. There was a silver belt around her middle which matched the clasp holding her red cape.

It was the Kara that Lena adored without a doubt.

It was her Kara.

Just older, more experienced, and the sadness she always tried to hide was more present… heavier...

“Hey, Lena,” Kara murmured, her voice  _ so soft  _ and  _ so warm _ , “sorry I didn’t swing by this morning, wildfire a couple of states away.” Kara’s lined face scrunched up apologetically, and Lena’s fingers twitched at her sides with the desire to trace every wrinkle and wipe away the minor smudge of ash on her cheek. “Took ages to sort out. Anyway, I wanted to let you know how that deal with Queen Industries went.”

“What is she doing here?” Lena asked weakly as ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ came to stand beside her.

“She’s come to see you.” He answered, and Lena only fleetingly glanced at the white headstone etched with her name, unwilling to look away from Kara for even a second after feeling she’d lost her forever only a few moments ago.

“But…” Lena murmured, pursing her lips, not able to comprehend even though the answer was obvious, “I died twenty years ago…”

“So…?” The angel answered, with a roll of the shoulder, “She still comes to see you every day.”

“Every day?” Lena repeated utterly dumbstruck, barely even taking in a single word Kara was whispering affectionately about L-Corp’s recent business dealings.

“Mmhmm…” The angel confirmed with a hum.

“Why?” Lena asked, finding a reserve of strength she didn’t know she had to look away from Kara’s profile in the hope of receiving an answer from the angel.

“Sometimes…” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ said carefully, his frown downturned and sympathetic as he looked between the brunette and blonde, “sometimes… a broken heart never heals, no matter how much time passes.” 

Lena’s heart that had been steadily re-building itself, shattered once again, and the tears gathered in the corners of her eyes started to fall without resistance as she looked back at Kara and realised everything she had been missing out on, everything she had denied herself… denied both of them.

She could be happy.

They could both be happy.

Kara was still talking and Lena shuffled closer, desperate to hear Kara’s voice more.

She loved Kara’s voice. It always made her feel safe and cared for. She had never heard a single hateful word ever fall from Kara’s lips. Kara complimented her, praised her and gave her support with every word.

“I’ve been trying to work out what to get my nieces for christmas - I know, I know I’ve kind of left it till last minute,” Kara winced apologetically, “but I’ve been waiting for inspiration to strike and it well… hasn’t.” Kara cringed sweetly, “I’m sure you would suggest something like a chemistry set kit - which I got them for their birthdays because I knew that’s what you would say.” Lena chuckled wetly at the one-sided conversation, at Kara’s passion and care. Kara would make an incredible aunt… an incredible mother as well.. 

“Now... I’m stumped.” Kara sighed heavily, dropping her head, “You would have like… at least six good aunt presents with the practice you got with Ruby.” Kara’s fingers that had been tracing the letters of Lena’s name came to a stop, “I wish you were here to help…” Kara whispered, a noticeable crack to her voice. “I just wish you were here. Christmas is the hardest, you know…” Kara blinked rapidly to try and dispel the moisture accumulating, “because it’s when you should be with the ones you love and… I have so many not there…” Kara bit her bottom lip and she swallowed thickly to push down a sob. “And you… you should be there more than anyone else. I love you, Lena.” Kara’s hand fell away from the stone and she regretfully got to her feet, “See you tomorrow morning.” Kara promised, bending forward to place a delicate kiss on the cold stone.

Lena’s heart swelled in her chest at the speech and action. 

Lena loved her.

Adored her.

And she promised herself, in that moment, if given the chance, she would tell Kara. She would spend her whole life telling and showing Kara how she felt. She would never let Kara be weighed down any further with sadness or loss.

“Take me back.” Lena demanded, her tone hard and determined.

“Are you sure?” ‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ asked.

Lena got to her feet, every move calculated and precise as she turned to face the angel. “Take. Me. Back. Now.”

‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’s face lit up with an impossibly wide grin that you only ever get after a job well done. “With pleasure.”

‘Not-Brainy-but-an-angel’ snapped his fingers.

* * *

The need to sleep weighed on her, calling out more intoxicatingly than a siren’s call, but a terrible ache in her chest pushed violently back against her fatigue, forcing her eyes to flicker open and closed.

“Uh…” Lena groaned, her mouth unbearably dry, and her brain struggling to fully connect and come up with anything to say. “Uhh,,,”

“Lena?” Kara called out from nearby, her voice was strained and cracking. “Oh Rao, you’re awake.”

“K-k-...”, Lena whispered, her limited focus honing in on Kara and the audible pain in her voice. Lena needed to respond so she could ask what had hurt her best friend and fix it. 

“Wait…” Kara begged, “save your strength. Let me get the doctor.”

It was then that Lena became acutely aware of the warm grip on her hand that was starting to loosen as Kara presumably made to leave and go get a doctor.

“Ka... Ka…”, Lena cried, her fingers scrambling to hold onto Kara, the very concept of her disappearing, of her leaving, of her not  _ being  _ there was beyond excruciating, even worse than the pain from the wound in her chest. The grip on her hand immediately re-tightened and suddenly there was a flash of gold and perfect blue appearing in the line of sight of her barely open eyes. 

“It’s okay,” Kara soothed, and Lena felt Kara’s other hand reaching out, stroking her cheek oh-so  _ delicately _ , as if she was afraid Lena might break under her touch when that was utterly impossible. Kara’s touch was strengthening and inviting. Lena leaned into it like a plant leaning towards the sun. “I’m not going anywhere, just pressing the call button.” Kara promised, her breath tickling Lena’s skin and giving her the comfort she needed for the sleepiness to seize back control.

“Kar… Kar…”, Lena tried once more, giving into the lull of sleep, instinctively trusting and believing that Kara would be there when she woke up again.

“Just rest for now. There’ll be time for talking later, I promise.”

* * *

The next time Lena woke up it took far less effort to open her eyes. The lights of the hospital room were less intense and blinding this time but it still took Lena a long few moments to adjust and become fully aware of her surroundings and get her thoughts in order. 

Lena knew Kara was there.

Even if she couldn’t hear her gentle snores nearby, or feel Kara resting her head on top of their joined hands by Lena’s side or the scent of vanilla that pervaded the room that was so intrinsically Kara that it couldn’t belong to anyone else. 

Lena knew. Her entire body and soul were attuned to Kara like a dowsing rod to water.

“Kara?” Lena murmured after practicing mouthing the name a couple of times to ensure her voice wouldn’t break or stutter.

It was barely above a whisper but Kara, even in her slumber, must have been listening out for it as her head shot up the second Lena had spoken. 

Kara looked exhausted. Beyond exhausted. Her hair was up in a bedraggled ponytail, her glasses were askew on her nose and there were indents on her face from where they had awkwardly sat as she slept. Dark circles made her eyes look sunken. She was dressed in what looked to be Alex’s clothes, they were dark and a little long on Kara, they were extremely crumpled and stained here and there. Presumably Kara hadn’t left Lena’s side since she’d arrived at the hospital and Alex had been the one to force her into clean clothes and try to get her to look after herself.

Lena’s heart expanded with love at the sight of the blonde but also ached with the obvious torment she had inflicted on Kara, it then sank to the floor and through the ground as she remembered how she nearly never came back, had nearly left Kara in this state forever. 

“Hey there, pretty girl.” Kara breathed out in total awe, her blue eyes brightening magically.

Lena went to speak but a croak came out due to the dryness of her throat; instantly, there was a straw in a cup by her mouth that Kara was holding out to her. She took a couple of quick sips, feeling immensely revitalised. With a gentle shake of her head, Kara took away the drink and placed it back on the side. 

“I hardly think I can be called pretty after being comatose for ‘I-don’t-know-how-many-days’.” Lena rebuked, trying her best to put on her signature smirk.

Kara grinned at her, blue eyes watery with affection and joy. “Finally, the day has come….” Kara cheered, “Lena Luthor is wrong about something. You’ve never looked prettier.”

Lena’s smirk receded, her expression turning serious as she stared up and into clear blue, “Kara…” Lena began, squeezing Kara’s hand that was holding hers. “I… I promised myself that…” 

“Promised yourself?” Kara encouraged, raising a curious eyebrow.

Lena pursed her lips and asked gently, “Come closer, please?”

Kara’s eyes widened but she acquiesced without hesitation, leaning forward until her breath was mingling with Lena’s. Gathering all her strength and courage, Lena raised her free hand and placed it onto the nape of Kara’s neck, her thumb stroking the soft skin there as she (with barely any energy) pulled Kara the last few centimetres to brush their lips against one another.

It was chaste. The lightest of contact. Barely even a full kiss.

But it set Lena’s heart soaring and made joyous tears spring from the corner of her eyes.

Lena couldn’t believe she had nearly missed out on this. Missed on getting the perfect first kiss from the woman she loved.

When Kara pulled back, her lips were slightly parted in shock, her eyes were still closed and her breath was coming out unevenly.

“Would you believe me if I told you that I made the exact same promise?” Kara murmured, her eyes opening to stare at Lena with a gaze that could only be described as reverent.

Lena’s smile widened further than it ever had in her entire life as she threaded her fingers in Kara’s loose hair and scratched at her scalp, earning her an appreciative sigh that started a warm fiery simmer at Lena’s core.

“Hmmm…” Lena hummed, arching a mischievous eyebrow, “Prove it.”

Kara’s blue eyes twinkled with delight at the challenge and before Lena could mentally and emotionally prepare herself for another kiss (that she considered to simply be equivalent to euphoria), Kara’s lips were on hers. 

This kiss was nowhere near as chaste as the first. Lena’s bottom lip slotted between both of Kara’s and Kara’s hand was on her cheek, keeping her head in place whilst her thumb traced small circles on her cheek. Kara’s tongue swiped against Lena’s lip and Lena couldn’t stop herself from letting out a whine of pleasure that had Kara squirming closer to her body and sucking sweetly on her bottom lip in turn.

Lena wanted it to last forever, but the emotional impact of finally getting what she’d been dreaming about for years was surprisingly draining and she eventually had to pull away. She kept Kara close, though, their foreheads pressed together.

“Are you okay?” Kara whispered against her lips, the worry apparent in her tone.

“Yeah…” Lena assured, leaving a quick, sweet peck on Kara’s lips, “just really tired.”

“Rest.” Kara insisted, placing a comforting kiss on Lena’s forehead before reaching out plump up the pillow supporting Lena, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise”

“Can you talk for awhile?” Lena requested, shifting over to one side, to leave space for Kara to slip in beside her, “I like listening to you…”

Kara eased into the available space, and Lena nestled her head on her shoulder, happy to simply listen to the blonde breath in and out. “I can do that.”

* * *

“Kara?” Lena called out, waking up to find Kara dashing around the room frantically and seemingly on impulse.

“Lena, you’re awake.” Kara exclaimed upon appearing at her side in the literal blink of an eye, her smile wide and anxious.

“Mmhmm….” Lena grinned, though she looked over Kara with a concerned gaze, “What are you doing?”

“Decorating.” Kara announced before becoming little more than a blur of activity around the room. “Do you prefer red or green?” Kara asked, coming to a stop to show off a green and red piece of tinsel in either hand. “Who am I kidding? Both right?” Kara shrugged, before resuming her wild decorating-spree.

Lena shook her head in confusion at Kara’s non-stop movement and inability to meet her eye, “Kara…”

“Let’s put some here… and here… ohhh… and there.” Tinsel began to steadily cover every available surface. “How about this ‘Santa please stop here sign’?” Kara inquired, stopping in front of the hospital room door as she inspected the sign being held up by an adorably rotund snowman. “Not that you need it. Obviously Santa will come visit you…” Kara rambled away, a deep crease taking up residence between her eyebrows, “if he doesn’t… well, me and him will have strong words… let me tell you!”

“Kara…” Lena repeated.

“What about these bells?” Kara asked (though it was obviously rhetorical), from the other side of the room as she held up a golden bell with a red velvet sash, “Hey, did you know that every time a bell rings, an angel gets their-”

“Kara!” Lena shouted; the blonde immediately dropped the bell causing it to jingle all the way down.

“What? Have I done something wrong?” Kara questioned, worrying her bottom lip as she appeared at Lena’s side, wringing her hands together nervously.

“Come here.” Lena requested softly, patting the edge of the bed. Kara hesitated for a long second before settling on the available space and not flinching away when Lena reached out to still her rapidly tapping fingers with a light touch. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…” Kara denied, shaking her head emphatically.

“Kara?” Lena coaxed, using her free hand to place a guiding finger under Kara’s chin to get shy blue eyes to meet green. “I love you.” Lena declared simply, acutely aware that she hadn’t said it yet and that… that… was horrendous. 

It should have been the first thing she said when she woke up. 

It should be the only thing she says from now on. It should pervade her every word and action. 

She loved Kara unequivocally and irrevocably. 

“No matter what it is,” Lena promised, “that doesn’t change.” Lena took a deep breath and readied her heart for the pain that could follow, a pain that she would accept if it ensured Kara was happy. “If you’ve changed your mind or don’t feel the same-”

“NO!” Kara shouted vigorously and violently. “NO! I… I…” Kara gasped out, her eyes watering and her lower lip trembling. “I love you, Lena. More than anything.” Kara declared, taking Lena’s hand between both of hers and lifting it up to place gentle kisses across the back of it. “When I thought… when I thought I lost you…” Kara whispered her lips moving against the back of Lena’s hand, “I never want to go through that again… I’m not strong enough.” Kara confessed, looking up at Lena to reveal scared, vulnerable blue eyes. “I was just… I don’t want to screw this up. I don’t want to lose you.” Lena deflated with understanding as Kara continued to worry, “What if I say the wrong thing? What if-”

“Impossible.” Lena rejected fervently, “There’s nothing you could say or do that would ever make me love you less.” 

Kara’s jaw snapped shut and she blinked in stunned amazement at Lena in complete disbelief, “Really?”

“Really.” Lena promised.

Kara blushed shyly and ducked her head as she mumbled, “Does this make you… um… my girlfriend?”

Lena bit the inside of her cheek to contain the bubble of joy in her chest and she tried to keep her tone as serious as possible as she said, “If you want… I would like that.”

“It’s all I want.” Kara breathed out, shuffling closer to Lena as she did so, “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Charmer.” Lena asserted, before tugging Kara into another soul uplifting kiss.

* * *

“Mistletoe?” Kara remarked, instantly detecting the newest christmas decoration to the room as it wasn’t one she had personally brought in. 

Lena had been in the hospital for nearly two weeks and Christmas was only a handful of days away. Once Lena was well-enough to make a phone-call she gave Alex a ring and explicitly ordered her to get Kara to go home, eat a proper meal, shower and sleep for as long as possible. It took a combined effort of Lena’s pout and Alex’s glare but Kara went home to take care of her own needs - though she did sneak back in and fell asleep in the small hospital bed curled up next to Lena.

“Mmhmm…” Lena hummed victoriously as Kara studied the small green plant that was tied with nimble fingers above the bed. “A nurse gave it to me…” Lena explained, pausing for a moment to enjoy the flicker of a harsh jealous frown that instantly appeared on Kara’s face. “She said I should seize every opportunity that I can to kiss that fine blonde who comes to visit.” Lena revealed with a pleased smirk.

The frown vanished in a flash to be replaced by a light pink blush and blue-eyed twinkle, “Fine blonde?”

“Uh huh…” Lena replied, making a come hither motion with one finger that had Kara stumbling closer to comply. “I told her not to get her hopes, though, since I have no intention of giving you up anytime soon.” Lena said softly, wrapping her arms around Kara’s neck the second she was close enough to do so and resting their foreheads together.

“Good to know.” Kara murmured, her vanilla breath warm and enticing. “Also you don’t need mistletoe to get me to kiss you.” Kara pointed out, rubbing their noses tenderly against one another.

“I’d rather not risk it.” Lena teased before sinking into Kara’s comfort and kissing her until they were both breathless.

* * *

“Kara, it’s Christmas Eve.” Lena reminded Kara again for what felt like the fiftieth time that day.

“Yes and I know what you’re thinking,” Kara replied, holding up a hand as if to prevent her jumping to conclusions, “this room needs more tinsel,” Lena let out a sigh (the last thing this room needed was more tinsel as it had become its very own ‘Winter Wonderland’), “but the doctors have told me that if I put up anymore, the cost of their fire insurance will skyrocket.” Kara shook her head dismally, disappointed in the low christmas cheer even though the medical staff were very indulgent of the blonde and her puppy dog eyes that she employed in tandem with wanting to be the ‘best girlfriend ever’. “I tried to sneak in a tree but I swear to Rao the night nurse has superpowers because I didn’t make it a foot down the corridor before she ambushed me.”

“Kara.” Lena chuckled in amusement at the blonde’s antics, not doubting for a second the credibility of her girlfriend's attempts to add even more festive cheer to Lena’s hospital room.

“Right, rambling.” Kara murmured with an awkward lopsided grin that made Lena’s heart flutter.

“You’re adorable.” Lena declared, patting the side of the hospital bed that had become  _ Kara’s  _ side (Lena already feared returning home and not having Kara cuddled up beside her every night), inviting the blonde over and rewarding her, once she was settled, with a sweet kiss that had Kara’s breath stuttering. “It’s Christmas Eve.” Lena whispered gently, “You should be with your family. Not stuck in a hospital.” Lena told her, stroking Kara’s cheek fondly and punctuating her point with another kiss.

“But you’re here.” Kara muttered quietly, her eyes downcast as she shifted uncomfortably.

“Yes,” Lena agreed, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind Kara’s ear, “and I will be for another couple of days. I’m not going anywhere. Go home, be with your loved ones. I know how much Christmas means to you.”

Kara’s head jerked up and she frowned severely at Lena, her brow heavily furrowed and blue eyes defiant. “Lena, I’m not leaving you alone on christmas.” Kara declared, channeling her Supergirl tone.

“Kara,” Lena said slowly, her smile sad and wistful, “I am more than used to spending christmas alone. Go home. For me.” Lena pleaded, leaning forward to press a kiss to Kara’s forehead to ease away the lines.

“I -”, Kara began, intent on arguing, only to be cut off by Lena’s lips being pressed fervently against her own.

“Please.” Lena breathed after letting go of Kara’s bottom lip, and then proceeding to slump back against her stack of pillows, her energy levels still low as her body used everything available to aid her recovery.

Kara watched her ease back and struggle to keep her eyes open, with a thoughtful and loving gaze, “Get some sleep, okay?”

Lena had just enough energy to nod once before dozing gentle off.

* * *

When Lena woke up next it was to find herself surrounded and her room abuzz with activity.

“Hmm… What’s going on?” Lena called out, straightening up and rubbing the sleep away from her eyes as she took in the array of familiar people walking into her room and getting themselves settled. “Alex? Winn? Nia? James? J’onn? Brainy? And…”

There was only one person who Lena didn’t know first-hand but she instinctively recognised and felt in no way mentally prepared to handle. 

“Eliza, dear.” The friendly blonde woman introduced herself, having bee-lined towards Lena the second she had stepped inside the room. “It’s lovely to finally meet you.” Eliza declared so sincerely, that Lena found the self-doubt receding under her warmth. “Let me help you sit up.” Eliza offered congenially, waiting for Lena’s nod of consent before arranging the pillows so that Lena was supported and not dependent on her own physical strength to stay upright.

“Thank you.” Lena replied graciously, blushing shyly under the older blonde’s maternal attention. “Uh…” Lena cleared her throat uncertainly, hoping to alleviate her current state of confusion, “what are you all doing here?”

“It’s Christmas, you muppet.” Alex answered from the other side of the room where she was setting down plates and cutlery. Briany and Nia were unloading containers of food onto the plates. Winn and James were joining up the television in the room to a DVD player.

“Err…,'' Lena muttered still utterly perplexed.

“Move Winn.” Alex ordered over her shoulder as Winn, upon finishing his task looked ready to sink into one of two available armchairs in the room. “I’ve got dibs on the armchair and Mum has the other one.”

“Where am I meant to sit?” Winn whined, though he did scuttle away from the chair.

“Kara is bringing enough blankets to cover every inch of floor space. Suck it up.” Alex answered, sticking her tongue out at WInn and earning herself a disapproving glare from Eliza who had been tucking Lena’s errant blankets (Kara had slowly been burying Lena under a mountain of the softest fabrics imaginable with each passing day) around her body.

“I have blankets and christmas turkey!” Kara bellowed as she pushed her way into the room, her arms overladen with bags.

“Kara? What is going on?” Lena questioned.

“Oh, no. You’re awake!” Kara exclaimed using a burst of superspeed to deposit her load on the table next to Alex before appearing in a blink of an eye beside Lena and bending forward to give her a tender ‘hello’ kiss which had swiftly become the norm for the two of them (Lena blushed a bright red, aware that Eliza was smiling proudly at the display of affection). “I told them not to wake you.” Kara rambled, as soon as their lips disconnected. “Sorry for leaving earlier, I was hoping to only be an hour or so but Eliza wouldn’t let me use my heat vision to speed things along. She says the Turkey tastes better when cooked with an actual oven.”

“Turkey?” Lena repeated, glancing over to the food being distributed amongst her friends.

“I know you are not quite back to a full appetite yet dear,” Eliza cut in from Lena’s other side, as she held out a plate of food that had a little bit of everything and instantly set Lena’s mouth watering, “so I put together a smaller portion sized plate that I thought might be more to your liking. Please, though, have more if you want some. Kara has promised not to hoover up until everyone else is done.”

“I… I…” Lena blinked slowly between the two blondes on either side of her hospital bed who had in the space of thirty seconds given her the most thoughtful and loving christmas she had ever had. “Thank you.” Lena whispered, losing the battle to the tears fighting to get free. “Thank you.”

Kara sat by Lena’s side, whilst Eliza and Alex flanked them in the armchairs on either side of the bed, and the rest of the Superfriends found whatever available space they could. The group of them chatted, laughed and cheered whilst eating Christmas dinner together. Lena had never felt so comfortable, so at home as she did surrounded by the genuine love and affection of her friends. 

Once the food was all finished (Kara having gone back for more at least four times) and all the rubbish and dirty plates cleaned away, Winn put on a black and white christmas film on that had everyone falling silent as the gentle sound of bells jingling filled the hospital room. 

It was in that moment, with Kara pressed against her and dropping the occasional kiss to her temple, the Super Friends close by, Eliza regularly checking on her and Alex pretending not to cry during the film that Lena realised how happy she was. How grateful she was everything in her life at that moment.

It may not be a perfect life, not by a mile.

She had suffered (unfairly for the most part), and she had lost and had failed more times than she cared to count.

But there was no doubt in Lena’s mind as she turned her head to meet the most beautiful blue that she could ever imagine… that it was most definitely a wonderful life.

“This has been the best Christmas ever.” Lena whispered, not necessarily to Kara but to whatever guardian was watching over her. “Thank you.”

Kara’s smile was soft and filled with love as she lightly ran her nose against Lena’s cheek until her mouth was right next to Lena’s ear so that she could hear her words without any difficulty, “You’ll never spend another Christmas alone, I promise.” 

Lena sighed happily at the declaration, knowing that if Kara promised it that it was a certainty, not that it mattered much. Lena had already committed herself to being by Kara’s side for as long as Kara wished her to be there.

“I love you.” Lena said simply in reply, knowing her heart would always, always, always skip a beat whenever Kara’s eyes lit up after she told her that she loved her.

“I love you, too.” 


End file.
